Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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