I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
