there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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