I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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