drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A bitchslap is in order.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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