Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
