She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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