You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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