Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
