my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
