I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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