Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
