You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I fill condoms, not promises.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
