Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize