Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
