I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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