are you so shy because you have an std?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
