So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
