...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
