Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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