I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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