I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So vagazzling was a success
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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