I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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