if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
