I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
