I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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