so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
