tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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