I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
me + whiskey = a bad person
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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