I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
