OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
