When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
