so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
