normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
