just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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