Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
