i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
