I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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