can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
