Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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