do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You smell like a Billy Joel song
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
