awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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