i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
