the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
