I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
