Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
