The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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