Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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