Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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