my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
