ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
