And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
