JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
