Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
