So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
