conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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