lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
