Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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