this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
