my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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