is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it hurts more in the daytime
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
