I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
