I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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