I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
