I don't usually arrange sex via text message
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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