He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
