I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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