hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
