I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize