Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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