oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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