I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
