Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
